you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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