I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
