If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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