i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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