there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize