Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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