Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
