I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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