omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
