Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
