do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
