Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
