yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
