I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
