Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Still dying that you shit outside
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
