You made me cry and you don't even care
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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