I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They took my balls.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This toilet bowl is my home.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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