my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
