I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
