There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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