fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
