can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
