My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
