At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
