I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
