i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
