I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
