got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
