dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
