I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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