His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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