I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We need to rekindle our bromance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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