just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
