who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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