my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
