Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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