Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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