Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
