I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
