She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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