eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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