I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
