How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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