I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
