I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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