My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
