Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
