i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
