You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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