So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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