just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
