I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
