So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
