It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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