Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
